Coercive control is a concept which is relatively new in family law. As the new kid on the block it is often misunderstood by the ordinary person or even by some lawyers. As a concept it advances domestic abuse law considerably to give a wider understanding. If you look at the history of domestic violence from the 1970s to now the various legal acts prohibiting domestic violence mirror an advancing understanding of the area of domestic violence. Coercive control allows the family law practitioner to make a domestic violence case where the abuse may have no physical component or which taken out of context can seem harmless enough. When I started off in family law working for Alan Shatter a while ago, we tended to have a lot of well to do female clients who often presented as what we called the “fur coat poor”. This was not meant as a cruel description but rather a shorthand way of telling the story of a certain kind of woman. These were women who were very well dressed but tended to have no spending money and little or no independence, a state they were quite deliberately kept in by a husband who was quite well off. Now such women would probably come under the area of coercive control and be able to do something about their situation.
Coercive control as a legal term to describe a certain type of abuse came into force on January 1st 2019 under the Domestic Violence Act 2018. It does not have to involve physical violence though it might, and it describes a pattern of behaviour rather than sporadic or infrequent actions. It is characterised by control and in the beginning can be hard to spot. Frequently, in the beginning it can be mistaken for the actions of a love sick individual and may seem innocent enough. So frequent texts inquiring where you are, wanting to be around you all the time even when you are with your friends or seeking to curtail your social life, suggesting often that you give up work, bouts of jealousy if you engage with a member of the opposite sex no matter how innocent, criticising your friends or family, criticising your way of dressing, surveillance, and so on. There are many examples and over time they are undermining, life-interfering and cruel.
Coercive control invariably involves an element of isolation. For example, your partner does not want your family or friends coming to your house. He actively encourages you not to have them over. Gradually over time you have less and less contact with them and become more and more isolated. Your family, when they do come over, may feel unwelcome. He may be actively rude around them or make critical remarks in their presence. Another example may involve constant criticism of you. Many victims say they feel that they can do nothing right. While coercive control is not gender specific, far more women are victims of this sort of behaviour than men.
Many coercively controlling relationships start with a pattern of love bombing. When analysed this can be seen as over the top but at the time in a very new relationship it can, and frequently is, seen as flattering. Love bombing consists of showering a victim with over the top gifts and attention in quite a suffocating way.
The period of love bombing which can last months or weeks, is invariably followed by periods of controlling behaviour and/or criticisms, and threats. Gradually the love bombing virtually dies out but by then the victim can be totally undermined. Such behaviour undermines a person’s confidence and gives the perpetrator power over the victim. One or two incidents of bad behaviour do not amount to coercive control but may in and of themselves warrant a domestic violence order. On the other hand, incidents which in and of themselves seem relatively minor or could be seen as such, can over time and when repeated over a sustained period, be seen as undermining and harmful. Another way of describing this sort of behaviour would be “death by a thousand cuts”.
The challenge in this area of law is that victims will recognize coercive control which often manifests as caring, for what it is. Many victims resist the idea that they are domestically abused, perceiving that such recognition rather than the abuse itself, will make them weaker. For middle class women it may seem that it is something that only happens to working class women. This is absolutely not true. Victims can often feel strongly that their lives are out of control but tell themselves it is their imagination.
In addition to the examples I have given, coercive control can often be demonstrated by money deprivation. This can result in a victim not have enough money to get essentials for their well-being and can by systematically humiliating.
If you suspect you are being coercively controlled, keep a diary. It is important to understand that family law cases in particular as frequently won in the detail. When you, as is often the case, only have two people testifying, it can be difficult to decide who is telling the truth. However, if one party can give facts and figures it tends to be persuasive to the court. Make sure to keep your diary or notebook where it cannot be found eg with a good friend. Date and record every instance of the behaviour that you suspect and over time it will become more and more obvious to you what is happening.
In addition to a detailed notebook or diary which you should build up over a sustained period of time, make sure to seek support from organisations that offer support in your situation and keep a record of the name of who you speak with and the date. You may need a report from such a person and your solicitor will advise you on this. You should go to your GP and ensure that there is a record and again you may need a medical report. Your GP may be required as a witness and again your solicitor will advise. If you have texts, phone records and emails make sure to save these and have them ready as evidence to court. This would include Whats App messages, call logs and recordings of threats and/or verbal abuse. In addition, evidence of abuse over the internet, digital technology or social media platforms would be useful. It is important to note that Domestic Violence is now a criminal offence. However, coercive control is proving challenging. There are practical difficulties particularly evidentiary which may impede prosecutions. There is a strong argument that we require a unified bespoke offence in this area. One which incorporates physical, sexual and psychological abuse. There is also a strong arguments that the definition of intimate relationships in the legislation is too narrow and does not extend far enough.