Family law, as most of you will know operates behind closed doors. Only the Judge, the parties, their respective solicitors, barristers, court clerk and the Judge’s assistant are allowed into the court while a hearing is going on. Witnesses (if any) wait outside the court room while the hearing is going on and are called in as required. Only occasionally are expert witnesses e.g., auctioneers, doctors, accountants and child psychologists allowed sit in while another professional is giving testimony. In addition to the public not being admitted to family law hearings, there is no reporting except with the consent of the court, which is given very infrequently. The parties themselves are not allowed to speak or write about the proceedings before, after or during a case. Because family law hearings are held privately, their impact is often unknown to the public at large.
Over the years since the passing of The Judicial Separation and Family Law Reform Act 1989, Family Law has become a normality for many lawyers. There have been many changes to the manner in which cases are dealt with by the court and the results that tend to ensue. Therefore, the kind of advice, family lawyers will give their clients has changed a lot in the last thirty to forty years. Some of the biggest changes are in the area of spousal maintenance.
It is now very unusual for women to get spousal maintenance in the courts in addition to child support. For many women this is a very unwelcome surprise. Women under 50 who have a qualification will often be on an uphill struggle to get spousal support. It is considered societally unusual these days for women to stay at home full time and the manner of court decisions reflects this. Few people can afford to stay at home full time and as women develop their career opportunities, they are less inclined to want to stay at home. If a woman experiencing marital or relationship breakdown has been a homemaker, then she will possibly need to retrain or to build up to a desired peak over a period of years. As a result, a case might be made for a period of time post-divorce or separation when she gets support for a few years to allow her to do that. To facilitate such retraining, she might want to stay in the family home for a few years rather than have everything happening at the same time. It is my experience that men are often more open to this discussion than women imagine since they can see light at the end of the tunnel. Seeing things as they might look to the other party is often the key to agreements that will stand the test of time. Judges are often women who are working and married with children. They will bring this experience to their decisions as will younger men whose wives are working. There are exceptions, of course, and a woman whose children are very young would in most cases be considered one of the exceptions. On a practical level, when you factor in the cost of childcare, it is unlikely financially to be seen to be worth a woman’s while going back to work at that particular point. There are, of course, other considerations beside finance. You cannot put a price on quality of life. Often returning to work is an important step for a woman on her journey to move on post separation. The cost of childcare may be divided by the Judge with the ex-husband expected to contribute within his means making it possible for the ex-wife/partner to return to work. Children are not small forever and it is important to look at the realities of this when planning a resolution. Another exception might be a woman who is unable to work for various reasons. Such a woman, however, might be in receipt of disability allowance which would be brought into the equation by the court when calculating the husband’s liability. Sometimes women can resent this, thinking that the husband is getting off lightly, however, social welfare is secure whereas quite often maintenance is not for various reasons. Women who have been out of the workforce since their marriage and are over 50 or whose qualifications are nil might find it less arduous to persuade the court that their soon to be ex husband should continue to support them financial circumstances permitting. It is worth remembering that where families are concerned there is more to be considered than finances when it comes to solutions. This may seem obvious, but you would be amazed how often holistic solutions get lost in the mix. Work for women, as for men, can be more than just a way of earning money, it can have social ramifications, foster independence of spirit and be fulfilling in multiple ways. My advice to women in general, is not to give up work when getting married or setting up home certainly not before children come into the picture and to keep their hands in as much as possible where their work is concerned. I also advise women to keep a careful record of what they spend and hang on to their receipts where possible. Very often women spend far more than they realise. Also, women can fail to calculate division of labour. Usually, they do not think of keeping records, because when things are going well it hardly seems necessary however, realistic talks about finances in working partnerships or marriage is crucial to ensure success in the relationship. When, however, a relationship starts to deteriorate, they are not in the habit of recording such issues. Quite often women do not factor in various payouts for insurances when they think of as necessary spending. This is particularly so for women who do not work. Life Insurance, Health Insurance, Car Insurance, house and contents insurance, and a mortgage protection policy are often overlooked and when factored in can make the picture look very different. Of course, it is equally true that often men do not understand the real cost of children and can ignore many of the necessary expenses. It is often the case that men think that women are having the “life of Reilly” on child support. It is important that spouses are open with each other pre marriage, in the course of their marriage or partnership, as well as post marriage about the realities of their earnings and spending. This is true no matter the outcome of your marriage and is one of the greatest insurances you have against nasty future financial shocks. My mother used to say, “Start as you mean to go on” and I cannot think of better advise. I would only add – do not tolerate any bad behaviour at any stage in the relationship on the basis that someone will come to realise the error of their ways on their own and as time goes on. This does not tend to happen